I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
Randomize
