Plan B is the new Plan A
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
Randomize
