theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
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