This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Randomize
