i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
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