would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
They are going to name an STD after you.
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
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