guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
Randomize
