I should be sponsored by Trojan
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
Randomize
