I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
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