New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
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dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
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looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
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