he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
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