Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
I like to think it a success when the cops are called
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
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