...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
