you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Randomize
