do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
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