we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
I said "one day" and that day is not today
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
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