"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
