I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
Randomize
