piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
Randomize
