dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I need moral support for this bender
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
Randomize