Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it glows. i had to have it.
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
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