I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
Randomize
