I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
the liver wants what the liver wants
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
BRING THE BAGELS
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
Randomize
