Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
