You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
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