i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
I forgot how hot balto sounded
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
Randomize
