I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
