i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
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Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
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I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
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