dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
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