everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
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