Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
Randomize
