im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
