Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
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