The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
It was a blind-side dick pic.
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
Randomize
