oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
Randomize
