My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
Its about making memories worth repressing
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.