your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
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I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
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Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs