Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?