im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
These 21 Drunks Said The Darndest Things
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
These 25 Irresponsible People Blew All Their Cash On Drugs, Booze, & Sex
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?