My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
Randomize
