hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
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