There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
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everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
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