I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
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