if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
Randomize
