(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
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