Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
Randomize
