The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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