And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
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