yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
