I like my sex mixed with concussions.
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
I have all the porn. Be there soon
Who is this?
Randomize
