Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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