I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
Randomize
