Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
