What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Randomize
