I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
Randomize
