Hot guy, man whore rep, huge crush, alcohol that will fuck you up. I fail to see how this could go wrong
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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