He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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