Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
Randomize
