I think that we as people have rights and that we should at the very least be warned before being subjected to Fergie
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
Randomize
