You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
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If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
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Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
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