I just cut my nipple shaving
but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
Randomize
