That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
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