if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
Oh god it's open bar.
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
Randomize
