I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
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