I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
Randomize
