His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
