do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
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No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
And then the night went full on bisexual.
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