Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
He shit in the fireplace
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
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