4 words: hood of his car
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
there is puke in my bra ... again
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
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